Family
This blog post is Part 5 of a series entitled "The Philosophy Of Life" by Pastor Jeffrey Dean Smith of Donelson First in Nashville, TN.
Message Date: February 2, 2025
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The throne of your heart is to be reserved solely for the one true Savior of the world. When you consider a life philosophy immersed in this pursuit of devotion to the King, a thorough consideration of one’s life must be welcomed. And in doing so, one must not avoid the question,
Who, or what, sits on the throne of your heart?
Whomever or whatever occupies this throne ultimately defines ones philosophy for life. Life philosophy attribute #4 is a matchless gift for the human race. Without this rare jewel afforded you and me, life would be mundane; routine; humdrum; monotonous. Without this attribute, birthday parties would be extremely quiet. Christmas mornings would be routine and void of any surprise and too, mostly exempt of the gift of giving. Today’s attribute, though beautiful and wonderful and necessary to us all, has the potential, if not kept in its proper place, to occupy the highest domain in the heart of us each.
Today I want to discuss with you the ever intricate and convoluted dynamic of: family. Family is a splendidly wonderful gift given to you to enjoy. Family is fulfilling. Family is satisfying. Family is loving. Family is unique. Family is a gift to you from God. However, family is not completely fulfilling. Family cannot wholly satisfy. Family is not always loving nor loveable. And though a unique gift for you, ironically, family, if not properly ordered, can draw you away from the Lord rather than lead you deeper into Him.
Life philosophy #4: the family, is not a gift reserved for the primary place of reverence within one’s heart. The dominion over your heart is to be reserved solely for the Christ. Complete devotion to the Christ is more important than anything, even your family. Family must always be secondary to Christ in your life. The family is not the gospel. The family is not the good news. The family will not completely fulfill you. The family will not sustain you. The family will not save you. I first want to speak to the family’s rightful position as a critical attribute of one’s life philosophy. Secondly, I will then offer several practical applications you can apply in your family dynamic as it relates to honoring well our Lord.
In Genesis, we know that God commands humanity to be fruitful and multiply. Yet, in the New Testament, we read that one must be willing to abandon family for the sake of Jesus. Is this a contradiction within the Scriptures? Well, in actuality, the Genesis mandate highlights the value of family as a critical aspect of Creation, while Jesus’ teaching in the New Testament challenges the human tendency to make family an idol by prioritizing it over its rightful submission to Jesus on the throne of ones heart. Both teachings recognize family’s importance but place it in its proper context under God’s authority. Let me show you how the two views align:
1. God’s design is for families to multiply.
In Genesis, the command to multiply is a part of God’s creation plan:
God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Genesis 1:28
Such a command establishes the family as a critical part of God’s creation plan. Families are foundational to human flourishing. And the book of Malachi expresses God’s desire for exactly this:
Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. Malachi 2:15
These two verses affirm the value and importance of family relationships as a means to fulfill God's purpose on Earth. Humanity is here to bring glory to God. And Scripture confirms that this happens within the context of healthy families. Yet, this truth is to be coupled with this reality:
2. Jesus expects a life philosophy of allegiance above all to Himself.
We cannot fully dissect the position of family within one’s life philosophy without fully considering the hierarchy of loyalty that must be ever-present in the life of the Christian. The same God who commands humanity to multiply, too reminds us:
Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Matthew 10:37
If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters - yes, even their own life - such a person cannot be my disciple.
Luke 14:26
Does this mean that I must deny my family? No, of course not. But it does mean, you must be willing to do so, if family becomes a greater priority to you than Christ. We briefly discussed exactly this a few weeks ago. I will remind you this week that such a mantra rages against everything we hear in American Western culture today, even within the greater Church. It's easier to digest the idea that our Savior expects allegiance above all to Himself when one is discussing lying, cheating, pornography, bigotry, and the likes. But in the arena of “family,” such a life philosophy is much more difficult to reason because we hear so very much now and in so very many ways about the importance of being “all in with family.” There are countless websites and social media platforms that highlight and discuss and celebrate families. All of this is well and good and can even be wonderful and invigorating additions to one’s philosophy to life as it relates to the family. But know this y’all...
You are failing your family if you have positioned anyone in your family in a greater place of admiration and reverence and loyalty than that of Christ.
A friend shared with me recently how disappointed she was in a choice she had made that devasted her parents. I won’t detail the story but will say that she made regrettable choices that hurt her parents for very many years. I spoke with her as she wept. She was broken. She was disappointed in herself because she knew just how very much she had hurt them. I was moved by her grief. Yet after speaking with her, I thought: Do I weep in the same way when I sin against God? Am I, in the same way, broken over my sinfulness to a Holy God? When I make a decision that places some one or some thing or some “feel good,” or some action before an almighty God, am I ruined over my sin? I should be! And if I am not, it very well could be that I am not living with, nor striving to, live with a total allegiance to the Christ above all – above my pursuits; above my pleasures; above my family!
I presume there are so very many Christians who are more concerned about hurting a family member – a spouse; a parent; a sibling; a child - than they are about hurting God. Again this one is so very difficult for us as Christ-followers because I genuinely believe that today I am addressing people who:
1. Love the Lord. 2. Love your family.
Yet, though difficult to comprehend y’all, for my family... Amy, Bailey, and Brynnan...
Your love for family must be secondary to your primary love for the Christ. Such a love requires of you a willingness, and even, an eagerness to lose it all for the sake of the Savior.
When you understand this proper position of allegiance with family and Christ, you are then best able to:
3. Steward well your family with an eternal perspective.
The Genesis command to multiply reflects God’s plan for humanity to steward well while on the Earth. We are to do so prioritizing heavenly realities over earthly ones. Paul reminds us of exactly this in his words to the Church in Colossae:
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2
Jesus made an incredibly bold statement while on Earth – one that shifts the focus of the believer to the eternal kingdom as He called His followers to prioritize heavenly realities over earthly ones:
He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Matthew 12:48-50
Jesus is stating that, yes, families are meant to glorify God. However, the ultimate goal for your life is not family itself. Instead, it is to glorify God both within and through your family. This is an attribute of one’s life philosophy that is a life-long pursuit. So, what does this look like – to honor God within and through your family? Well, this answer can be dissected in innumerable ways in how you treat one another, pray for each other, encourage each other, and uplift one another. But I want to take a moment and take you back to the 6 foundational truths I shared with you during Part 1 of this series – 6 statements I made that are unequivocally true about you. Look at each again:
1. Your personality and temperament is unique.
2. Your skill sets are customized to align with your disposition.
3. You are created to accomplish what no other human can achieve.4. Your life, from beginning to end, is designed to fulfill God’s plan for you in a way solely distinct to you.
5. Your legacy can be whatever you desire.
6. Your past will never change the way God will perceive you nor influence the way God will use you.
I share these truths again with you for this reason: It is your privilege and responsibility to help your family live in the confidence of these 6 truths. I wonder if this is something you consider in relation to your family? I dare say most people do not. And y’all... I get it... we are living such busy lives, getting from Monday to Friday, squeezing in weekend tasks and church, and then doing it all over again each week. Helping family members shape and reshape a life philosophy that honors God by outwardly and vocally celebrating a spouse, or sibling, or child, or a parents personal and unique skill sets and temperament and personalities and dreams is challenging because it forces you and me to think beyond ourselves – to think about others – to hope for the best in others – to cheer one another on.To do such for family undoubtedly takes time and focus; energy and determination; patience; selflessness.
Now, we often consider such when it comes to the world living outside the walls of our homes, don’t we? Even from pulpits across America, and in small groups meeting in living rooms, we pray for and talk about how to be better citizens to those around us - our neighbors, co-workers, church friends, and world leaders. We pray for them, share Jesus with them, visit them in the hospital, and send them get-well cards. Of course, all of this is wonderful and generous and for the good of mankind.
But what about the family? What about your family – those with whom you spend most of your time? What about the very people with whom we really do life with; share meals with each night; share toothpaste with; share a bed with? When was the last time, if ever, when you thought: I am going to praise my wife for the temperament of great character she possesses. Or... I think I will write a note and send it to my sister celebrating her accomplishments in her job. Or... today I will ask my mother to sit and talk with me about her younger years and how her personal challenges helped shaped her personality of generosity. Or... Tonight at dinner I will discuss with my son how very important are his personal choices in relation to the legacy he is already writing of himself. I have strived, as I presume all parents in the room will attest, to be an involved and good and loving parent working to lead my children and celebrate their personalities; help shape their dreams; equip them the best I can toward success. But I will admit... I have done this much less with my wife; to my brothers; for my parents; and even to my in-laws.
If you are to adopt a life philosophy understanding the gift you have been given in life today; grasping the reality that time is short; embracing the mantra that purpose is of the Lord; and proclaiming the message that all are to call on the name of the Lord to be saved... you must too realize that each of these attributes is to be first celebrated and declared and decreed to those whom you are privileged to call family. So... how do we place some tangibles on this life philosophy to steward well ones family – every member of ones family?
Well, in full disclosure, I have struggled this week with sharing these next 5 words with you because they are so very matter-of-fact; so very understood; so very simplistic. You know these words. You will not be surprised by these words. So, at first glance, you may understand my hesitancy to share each with you because these are actions of which we should both already be privy and should consistently be exercising in our interactions with one another, especially family. Nonetheless, I am going to share them with you because, though understood, I am not so sure they are automatically displayed in our lives. The first tangible to steward well the life philosophy of family...
Encourage. Speak a word of encouragement to your family each day. Imagine if we each, every single day, aspired to attain such a goal spoken to those whom we call family! Paul wrote these words to the Church in Thessalonica. I will use them here inserting with emphasis the word “family.”
Therefore encourage [your family] and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
You want to help a family member reach their fullest potential? Heck.. you want to help a family member have a really good day? Say something encouraging. The power of your words cannot be overstated. But note - the opposite is also quite true:
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29
The New York Times recently published an article that stated:
The average human contemplates an encouraging comment for less than 8 hours. A human, on average, meditates on a discouraging comment for a minimum of 6 days.
The New York Times, Philosophy of Memory, 11.22.24
There is nothing more discouraging than hearing a word of negativity from those whom you love the most; from those who know you the most; from those with whom you do life with the most. As a family member, you know, listen y’all... you know exactly the needs of each of your family members. I know that Brynnan needs a hug every day. I know that Bailey needs confirmation in her decision making. I know that Amy loves to talk through our day from beginning to end. Make it a part of your life philosophy to know, truly know, the needs of your family. And then work hard every day to fulfill those needs. And as you do, do so with encouragement! Let’s each strive to do this every day.
Be. Be present. You can be in the room and fail to be involved in the everyday lives of your family members. Look... it’s a lot easier, and quieter, to crash on the couch at night and peruse your socials while your kids do the same in their bedrooms. Being intentionally present takes work, takes planning, takes sacrificing and takes time on your part. But if you are not taking advantage of the moments you have with your family, you are missing one of the greatest privileges given to you to be present and involved and aware and engaged in the life of your family.
While we were on vacation over Christmas, on many nights over dinner together, Amy read from the book she brought on proper etiquette. This book discussed proper attire, how to conduct oneself at a dinner party, cell phone etiquette and so very much more. How awesome was it for me to watch my wife read to our 20 and 23 year-old grown young women about things of which most rarely speak.
Pray. Pray with, over, and for your family. Nothing guides ones philosophy of life as does prayer. The same cannot be overstated for the family. I will not take the time to convince you that prayer is a critical, a critical, step in one shaping their philosophy of life. I will just remind you that you will never attain a closeness with Christ without it. Jesus understood this while on Earth. He prayed often with and for his disciples, who were as family to Him once His earthly ministry began.
He prayed the Lord’s Prayer over them in Luke 11. He prayed with them before feeding 5,000 people in Matthew 14. And look at what happened when He took Peter, James, and John up on a mountain and prayed with them:
About eight days after Jesus said this, he took Peter, John and James with him and went up onto a mountain to pray. As he was praying, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became as bright as a flash of lightning. Luke 9:28-29
He prayed in their presence when dealing with death and the loss of his close friend, Lazarus in John 11. He prayed for them when telling His disciples of difficulties that were to come in Luke 22. And He prayed over them, blessing them, before ascending to heaven in Luke 24. Jesus taught us to pray with, over, and for family again and again during His time on Earth.
Do you steadily pray for your family that they would receive blessings from the Lord, favor in the workplace, health over disease, financial stability, strength in temptation, grace over injustice, peace in uncertainty, fearlessness in persecution, and gratitude when consumed with trials? These are really, really difficult prayers to pray. But I have come to understand more and more the power of prayer over my family. As the Psalmist prayed:
I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust. Psalm 91:2
Create. Create a culture in your home that promotes eternal priorities as a privilege. There have been countless times when I have had to leave the house in order to meet with an individual, a family, make a hospital visit, or even prior to my time here as Pastor, to travel to another city or state or even country to carry on the work of the Lord. Over the course of 30 years of ministry, I have spent countless hours and days and nights and weeks away from my family. During those times, were their moments when I would have much rather been home with my family? Yes, of course! Amy and I have always worked to help our children understand that doing the work of the Lord is not a burden. Instead, it is a tremendous privilege.
Look, if every time you are called to a meeting, or a conversation, or take a call that requires you to be away from your family, if in these situations you do so complaining, or huffing, or with a “woe is me” attitude, your family sees exactly this attitude. Over time, they can not only begin to resent you. They too begin to resent ministry... and possibly even God. Amy and I have always strived to teach our girls: 1. You are of greatest importance to us. 2. Eternal responsibilities will often inconvenience us.
Jesus fully understood this. He left the comforts of the most amazing place in all of the span of time – heaven. And He said this:
And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life. Matthew 19:29
I want my family to understand that it is a privilege to invest in the lives of others. And there are times, often many times, when such a privilege will come as an inconvenience to me, our family, and our time together.
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Matthew 25:35-36
Lastly...
Cultivate. Cultivate with your family an awe for the wonder of God. At whatever season of life you are in, you have a responsibility to continue shaping a life philosophy that points those closest to you to the Lord. You never retire from such a responsibility, especially as it relates to your family. Of course, this can happen in countless ways as you intentionally cultivate a deep sense of awe and appreciation for all that God has done for you and your family.
Amy and I were visiting one of our members in the hospital this week. Shortly after arriving to his room, we were standing in the doorway speaking with the nurse. While speaking with her, I hear our member, who had just recently awakened from recovery from surgery, telling another nurse how good the Lord had been in his life. I heard him say, “Do you know our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?”
One way you can cultivate a true awe for the wonder of God is in the way you express your love for the Savior in your everyday life. Our faith should not be something that is quiet; reserved; whispered. No! Instead your awe for the Lord should be so evident that you can’t help but express it... even while in the hospital! I encourage you – demonstrate your zeal for the Lord as you serve your family outwardly. Perform acts of kindness, go out of your way to make a family member’s life more comfortable, more enjoyable, and more thrilling. Find opportunities to discuss God’s presence in everyday situations with family. Discuss what the Lord is teaching you; how He is challenging you; ways in which He is stretching you. My hope for you today as you consider all we have discussed: A healthy life philosophy is one that understands the critical role the family plays of eternal value, and as Paul reminds us, even the family is from Him and through Him and for His glory:
For from him and through him and for him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen. Romans 11:36
Family should draw you closer to the Christ as you reflect His love to those closest to you.
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Jeffrey Dean Smith is a husband, father to Bailey & Brynnan, author, and the Senior Pastor at Donelson First in Nashville, TN. If you are in Music City, meet Jeffrey and enjoy iced tea on the front lawn each Sunday at 10:30a.