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This blog post is Part 3 of a series entitled, "May I Ask A Question?" by Pastor Jeffrey Dean Smith of Donelson First in Nashville, TN. 

Message Date: May 21, 2023

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I spoke last week about the power of our words as it relates to sharing my faith. Scripture reminded us that we each have a story worth telling! Last week, we primarily focused on the call we each have as followers of Jesus to evangelize - - to be prepared and ready, and even eager to share about the saving message of Jesus with others.  

Today, I have several questions for you as we continue our series: May I Ask A Question?

How do I handle theological & doctrinal disagreements in conversations?

I found this question to be extremely important. On the one hand, you know that I am confident that our beliefs shape our lives on so very many levels. This is why we spent so much time, 15 weeks to be exact, on our last study through the Orthodoxy of Scripture. We dissected in tremendous detail the truths of the Holy Scriptures in an attempt to best help each of us develop a foundation of biblical beliefs. I encourage you to listen to any message in the Orthodoxy series that you missed on the Donelson First podcast.  

Equally of importance as it relates to this question of theological disagreements is the disunity that can surface when these differences arise and when the church allows such disagreements to linger. So, how do we stay true to Scripture, while also drawing a clearly defined line in the sand, and too remain compassionate and loving toward others with whom we find ourselves in disagreement?  

1. Lead with compassion.

You always lead with compassion. As you have conversations with others about your faith, it is natural to not see eye-to-eye on everything. This is completely normal.  

Two people won’t see everything, every situation, and every life choice the same every single time. This is okay. What is not okay is to use such disagreements as an excuse to draw battle lines of conflict over which you never work to dissolve.  

A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18

 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Colossians 3:12

I have been in many conversations over doctrinal disagreements. 

It has taken me a while... many years to come to this conclusion. But I have finally arrived at this reality:   

God’s expectation is not for me to “win the conversation.” God’s expectation is for me to love well those with whom I am in conversation.  

When I am in a spiritual conversation with another with whom I am disagreeing, I often say something to the effect of: I can understand why you might believe that. Let me tell you what I believe.  

And then, it is really important to:  

2. Trust the Word.  

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Hebrews 4:12  

Look... I cannot convince you to believe what I believe and why I believe it. I do not have that power. What I can do, is share the truth of God’s Word with you and trust that the Holy Scriptures will do what I cannot.  

Let’s learn to trust the Word - - to truly trust the Word.  

Because when we do so... it’s really, really freeing!  

Look... 

God wrote the Word. God knows the truth of the Word. God does not need me to win for Him. God has already won.  

Answer this question:  

If I knew that every time I talked with another about Jesus that person would receive Jesus as Savior, would I be more vocal in sharing my faith with others? The answer is probably, “Yes!” Why is this the case? Because most people allow the probability or lack thereof for success to determine their willingness to step out and share their faith.  

Meaning... most believe, “It’s up to me” to convince another or sway another to believe what I believe about the Bible, God, Jesus, and eternity.  

Reality is... it is not! The only responsibility I have... lead with compassion as I obediently trust the Word... and let God do what He does!  

3. Let the Holy Spirit handle the conviction.  

Look, it is not up to me to convict anyone. I cannot. This responsibility is reserved for the Holy Spirit.

But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: about sin, because people do not believe in me. John 16:7-9

We must continue to ask the Holy Spirit to lead us, to guide us, and to grant us tremendous wisdom and grace, and compassion as we navigate biblical interpretation and communicate these truths to our world.    

Here is another question asked of me just this week: If Scripture is true, then why does it lend itself to many different interpretations and disagreements within the Church?  

Well, first: There is no “if” in this response. Scripture is true!  

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness 2 Timothy 3:16  

We must too remember, as we discussed last week: God made the main plain in Scripture. There are, of course, some areas in Scripture where I desire that God had been more vocal. But again, God made it very plain what we are to receive as the “main” in Scripture. And too there are very clear non-negotiables in Scripture. Again, we spent 15 weeks on these in the Orthodoxy series.  

It does seem, however, that the divide is becoming ever-more increasing and wide between those who profess allegiance to the Holy Scriptures and those who do not.  

If the world were perfect, we would each study the Word, believe fully in the Word, and apply the Word.  

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15  

There are many different interpretations and disagreements in the Church because:

1. No salvation.

There are many, so very many, who say “Lord” but have never truly been born again. Jesus actually spoke of this very sad reality:  

Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’ Matthew 7:21-23

I would presume that most disagreements, false claims, heresy, and the likes stem from this one reality. One who has not believed in and received Jesus Christ as Lord cannot correctly interpret the Holy Word of God:

The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 1 Corinthians 2:14  

2. Minimal commitment. 

There is no shortcut to understanding the mysteries of the Word of God. None! Peter warned of exactly this in 2 Peter 3:16:

He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction. 2 Peter 3:16

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Proverbs 2: 1-6

3. Pride.

Listen Church... if anyone, particularly a Pastor, communicates that he knows all things about all things, run away!  

None of us know all things.  

And I’ll say... if you are new here and if you are looking for a church with a Pastor who knows it all, this isn’t the church for you. I don’t know it all. I’m on this human journey just as you are. And I will not always get it right. But I can say this confidently: I pursue with great passion and emphasis and tremendous humility every single week the heart of God. I want Him to lead me. I want him to lead us. And as this happens, if we are truly pursuing the heart of God, our disagreements will decrease and our unity will increase.  

I was in the kitchen last Sunday night late. My three ladies had gone to bed, and I was getting the dogs done for the night. The kitchen TV was on a particular channel that just so happened to have an extremely famous pastor preaching. And man oh man, did he get a lot of applause as he spoke. I decided to sit down and listen to his message. So, I did. And he had some really good and catchy and encouraging statements. But at the conclusion of his message, I realized...  

I sat there for 20 minutes, and I listened to him and not once in those 20 minutes did I ever see nor hear him discuss in any manner Scripture.  

I believe such a ministry philosophy is immersed in pride and selfishness. This should be of no surprise to us. One of the greatest preachers of all time warned of this when he said: For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 2 Timothy 4:3 

The goal of one in pursuit of a Church home: (should be to...) To find a church that preaches the Word. To find a church that places God’s Word before a Pastor’s words.

I can tell you... 

I’ll offer one more thought as to why there are so many different interpretations and disagreements among the Church:    

4.  Tradition.

What traditions do you have? We all have them.  

Amy, the girls, and I have many – and many of these I have shared with you through the years: We eat dinner together, with no devices and we each go around the table and discuss what happened throughout the day. (Which by the way parents... what an ingenious way to learn about what is happening in your child’s life!) The week of Christmas, you will at some point find us in Franklin, TN at the historic Franklin Theatre watching either It’s A Wonderful Life or White Christmas.  

Then there is Sunday Cinco’s, Sunday night popcorn night, patio time, New Year’s Eve on 30A, bedtime bedside life talks, and so very much more! We all love our traditions...   Family traditions can be a great way to build lasting memories.  

There too are countless traditions in the Church, many of which can be healthy.  

However, in the Church, traditions, if not managed properly, can blur the lines between biblical truth and man’s invention.

This was exactly the issue during the time Jesus was on the earth. As a matter of fact, Jesus often spoke against this very invention to the religious leaders of the day: Mark 7:6-13  

What Jesus is referring to here is a loophole that these leaders found in the law. People would dedicate their land to the Lord, and then as they aged, the religious leaders would “nudge” them to sell the land. And rather than using this money to take care of aging parents, the religious leaders instead would tell the people that this money needed to be given to the temple. The leaders had made this practice a “church tradition” and Jesus was calling them out on this!  

What stands out to me is the statements Jesus makes in verse 8 of these leaders who have placed their own traditions ahead of God’s commandments. Mark 7:8  

Oh, how I pray we never become such a church and such a people. And, what’s dangerous is, not only the act of replacing God’s truths with man’s traditions, but when man chooses to love traditions within the Church more than man’s love for the Church.  

What evidence is there to help us recognize when this is actually happening in the Church?  

Well, for one:   

The battle cry of a traditionalist is this: “Well, that’s not how we have always done things!”  

Now... I know we all have things we like as it relates to worship, worship style, method of preaching, the structure of a worship service, and more. And oftentimes, such “likes” can be innocent in nature.  

The problem occurs when we allow our personal “likes” to be the end-all in defining what should and what should not happen in the Church. Scripture tells us that the Pharisees actually became offended when Jesus spoke to disrupt their personal traditions: When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table. But the Pharisee was surprised when he noticed that Jesus did not first wash before the meal. Then the Lord said to him, “Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? Luke 11:37-40

The revelation of traditions over truth often surfaces with church changes. A new pastor arrives or a new approach to ministry is revealed, such as collecting the offering or taking communion. Worship, aesthetics, outreach, Life Group rooms, and campus revitalization reveal former traditions that church folk, if not careful, can choose to trump biblical truth.

Tradition is not immersed in Biblical authority. Tradition is immersed in personal desires and comforts.  

Tradition isn’t always a bad thing. But it can become a bad thing. As a church, it is important that we continue to work to never allow traditions to take precedence over truth. 

Our community is growing. Our community is changing. Will our church do the same? It will... if we each die to traditions and embrace change for the sake of the gospel.  

I am of the belief: Tradition is one of the most dangerous attributes that can and will cripple a church’s ability to impact the surrounding community. 

I implore us each to ask: Have I placed traditions over truth?   

 I implore us each to pray: God, show me traditions I am guilty of placing before truth. I repent. I trust you to lead me to embrace whatever is necessary for Donelson First to reach our community with the message, “Jesus saves!” Amen. Because, and this is really, really important:

As the Church, we must remain steadfast to push past any act, action, or attitude that contributes to disunity.  

There is nothing wrong with disagreements and, as a result, healthy conversations that discuss such disagreements. But the end goal, for the Church, should always be unity.  

There is nothing that distorts our vision and obstructs our effectiveness like that of disunity.  

I too will say this: Ignoring disunity is supporting disunity.  

When I hear disunity and I choose to say nothing against it, I am supporting it.    

... that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me, and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. John 17:21  

Jesus prays for unity, why? So that, above all, the world may know Him as the Son of God!  

I hope you are seeing this theme in these questions of evangelism and our vision as a Church to remain healthy and focused and united to Biblical doctrine...  

Having said this, here is a FINAL question - -  I was asked this question this week... and I think it is one with which many have wrestled in the Church...   

I’ve been hurt by several churches. How do I let go of this hurt and learn to trust the Church again?  

You know... I’ve told you before we have this puppy. Though still a puppy, he has the appearance of a small bear! And the potty training has not been fun. Yes, there have been several occasions upon which I have said, “That’s it! We are done.” But we are never done. He is still ours... because Boone is now family! And family is hard and challenging and sometimes, a crap-load of mess! But we are still family.  

This got me thinking this week...  

Why is it people often offer more grace to pets than to the Church?  

We should not.  

First of all, I am so very sorry if you have been hurt by the Church.  

Whenever I hear of someone speaking of the hurt they have felt from a situation that has occurred in the Church, I immediately understand. And I, therefore, empathize with such a person. I then quickly move to this statement:  

You must choose to move past the hurt if you are to, once again, trust the Church, its leaders, and God.  

No church is perfect. No person is perfect. No pastor is perfect.  

Our politicians hurt us. But we don’t leave the country. Our favorite restaurants overcook our steaks and sometimes mishandle our orders. But we still frequent our favorite dining locals.   Starbucks, especially in Hermitage, requires of us tremendous grace and patience all year long. But we still count down the days until fall arrives and we can say those glorious words, “I’ll have a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte please!” People rarely go around talking about the restaurants, Amazon, and our favorite coffee places that disappoint us, let us down, take advantage of us, screw up our orders, and lose our packages...  

But we seem to lack the same grace and compassion for the work of the Lord as it relates to the Church, to leaders of the Church, and dare I say, for so very many, to God Himself!  

I could not even begin trying to count how very many times people have told me something to the effect of: “I’m done with Church, or I’m done with God, or I’m done with religion, or I’m done with pastors because I have been hurt!”  

Really... How very sad and disappointing and ironic and two-faced God’s people, who though deserving of hell for their own personal missteps, is offered grace and forgiveness and a second chance, yet cannot and will not choose to offer the same grace to the Church. The Church is messy because we are all messy.  

And I’ll take this further...  

If you choose to attend Donelson First, at some point, people will hurt you. As your pastor, I will hurt you.  

And, I too will say, it is absolutely true, that many of you have hurt me and my family. But Amy, Bailey, Brynnan, and I are still here. And when we hurt you, I hope you will remain here too as we work together to become better people and a better Church that inspires others to know, grow, and go in Jesus.  

Because the alternative is selfish and sinful.  

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13  

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37       

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Jeffrey Dean Smith is a husband, father to Bailey & Brynnan, author, and the Senior Pastor at Donelson First in Nashville, TN. If you are in Music City, meet Jeffrey and enjoy iced tea on the front lawn each Sunday at 10:30a.