Why, Dangit?!
This blog post is Part 4 of a series entitled "May I Ask A Question?" by Pastor Jeffrey Dean Smith of Donelson First in Nashville, TN.
Message Date: May 28, 2023
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Listen to 6 difficult statements I’ve recently received:
“Our marriage has drifted apart lately. I have tried and tried to make it work. I have prayed about this more than any other thing in my life. I am tired and really frustrated with God over it all!”
“My son no longer believes in Jesus. We have raised him to know God and to know His Word. I just can’t believe this is happening to our family!”
“Recently, our daughter told us she has experimented with a same-sex relationship. We are devasted and angry... honestly, even angry with God.”
“The God of the bible does not seem to be the same God of my life. He feels distant and quit.”
“I hate my body. I have struggled my entire life with my weight. It does not seem fair at all. I think about it all of the time. I cannot reconcile why God gave me this body!”
“My business has failed. I don’t know what to do. I have poured my life into this, only to see it fall apart. I’m embarrassed. I’m ashamed. And I am starting to become bitter at God over it all. I have been a Christian for a very long time. If I am being fully transparent, I now have lost the will to pray and am questioning the value and, honestly, effectiveness of prayer in my life of a Christian.”
These are just a few of the very real, raw, and vulnerable statements I have received over the past few weeks via conversations, emails, and attached to questions you have submitted through this series: May I Ask A Question?
Life has this way of beating up on us. None of us is immune to the punch-fest. We have each, on some level, been the recipient of the destitutions of life. Some of you are at this place at this very minute... Confused. Resentful. Angry. Exhausted. Spent. Out of answers. Bitter. And dare I say... possibly, bitter with God.
I am confident there is a little bit of “Why, dangit?” in each of us.
Why am I stuck in this job? Why can’t I afford a nicer car? Why do my kids do ignorant stuff? Why doesn’t my spouse understand me? Why can’t I get recognized by my boss? Why did my father get cancer? Why did I lose my job? Why can’t the Arkansas Razorbacks ever win it all? Seriously, at some point, we each have a little “Why, dangit?” in us! When things do not go the way we desire, when tragedy strikes, or for example, when a spouse stops loving me, or when a child stops talking to me, or when a career stops moving forward for me, I question...
And, if I am being honest, I am sure we each would say, in these difficult moments, we usually take our “Why?” to God.
Am I correct? I do believe so!
So, the first question of the morning is a compilation of so very many questions you have asked me. I am compiling these questions into these 2 words: Why, God?
In the Old Testament, we know the story of young David who, after being anointed as Israel’s next King, was then hunted for life by the very King he would one day replace. This led to David running, hiding for his life, and even sleeping several nights out on the run. It was during this season of uncertainty, and I am sure, even a bit of fear, when David questions God:
Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? Psalm 10:1
And again in Psalm 13: How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Psalm 13:1-2
In Part 1 of this series, I answered the question: “Is it okay to question God?”
I encourage you, if you missed that week, to listen to the podcast of Part 1. I will not take the time to answer in tremendous detail that specific question again this week.
I will quickly say, as I did in Part 1 of May I Ask A Question: Yes, it is okay to question God. However, both motive and character are extremely important in this process.
Instead, I want to direct our focus to the specific struggle of bitterness and resentfulness.
Each of the statements I briefly shared with you is a representation of the asking we each do at one point or another in life. And I think when you and I are asking such unfiltered and uninhibited questions of God, the following is so true and, equally, so necessary to recognize.
When making this request of God... I am not merely asking, “Why, God?” More directly, and on an enormously intimate level, I am asking... “Why me, God?”
Such a question is very, very personal. When we are questioning God, we are doing so very intimately.
Let me first address the misfortune of such a question by offering these 2 realities:
1. Asking “Why me, God?” insinuates the expectation that life is to be easy, and, as a Christian, God is expected to isolate me from humanity’s misfortunes.
And, when this does not happen as we believe it should when life does not go as we expect it should, we get angry and bitter and, on some level, often not fully known to us, we resent God.
Would you agree?
2. Asking “Why me, God?” is essentially saying, “Why did you get this wrong, God?”
Let me remind you...
God does not become bothered by your questions. However, such questions about His sovereignty speak to ones lack of confidence in God’s ability to control situations, others, and the impact such circumstances can have on your life. It too speaks to the limited spiritual maturity of a follower of Jesus.
In essence, when I am asking, “Why me, God?”, I am stating, “I do not trust that You have this situation in your control nor my best interest in your desire.”
The end result of asking, “Why me, God?” is almost always: Selfish. If I am not careful, when facing life’s challenges, I can easily take my attention off of God and place it on myself, my situation, and my hurt. This is truly a selfish move.
The end result of asking, “Why me, God?” is almost always: Motivated by anger. The word “anger” appears in the Bible more than 200 times! So it is obvious that God knew this would be a potential response to life’s turmoil with which you and I struggle.
The Bible compares anger to a consuming fire: For a fire will be kindled by my wrath, one that burns down to the realm of the dead below. It will devour the earth and its harvests and set afire the foundations of the mountains. Deuteronomy 32:22
Fire can be used for both good and evil. This too is the case with anger. The tricky thing about anger is that it is almost always a response I have to a situation of which I lose control to something not going as I desire or anticipate it go.
Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9
Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end. Proverbs 29:11
When a challenge or tragedy comes my way, my next move is so very important. Because with my next move, rather than allowing this challenge to be an opportunity to trust God, I instead allow this challenge to motivate me to question God. I then have already moved past placing my attention on an expectation for God to do something amazing, and instead, I begin the “blame game” of calling God untrustworthy. I get angry at God because I have lost control of the situation, and I need someone to blame.
Is it not interesting that all too often, when things go my way, I am quick to attribute such a situation to my own decision-making, achievement, and success? When the opposite occurs, all too often, I get angry with God, and then I almost always blame God.
When this happens, I move past selfishness and anger, and sadly, then, #3:
The end result in asking, “Why me, God?” is almost always: Sinful.
Selfish anger, especially directed at God, is sin. Period.
But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Colossians 3:8
...idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions , and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:20-21
You see, when we realize that anger, especially against God, is wrong, it can help us see the present realities of our troubles in a different way.
“Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen. Isaiah 14:24
Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me. I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, and what is still to come. I say, ‘My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.’ Isaiah 46:9-10
Such knowledge may not change my situation, but it does give me an opportunity to embrace peace and trust rather than anger in the midst of my dark moment. Otherwise, my anger fuels bitterness... often at God... and then, almost always, the blame game follows!
We all have been guilty of the blame game. Such a game is inbred within each of us. Adam did exactly this after he and his wife disobeyed God and committed humanity’s first sin!
Genesis 3:8-12
Now, at first glance, it appears that Adam blames Eve. He is not. A closer consideration reveals that, in fact, Adam is blaming God!
Another great question I was asked this week fits perfectly here within this idea of asking, “Why me, God?” or more specifically, “Why me, God?”:
If God takes responsibility for all that happens, then is it okay to blame Him when my world falls apart?
Well, it’s first important to note that God does not take responsibility for all that happens. God allows everything to happen... nothing happens without His permission. However, it is super important that we do not mistake God’s divine authority for God’s approval of sin. God never approves a sinful act... but He does allow disasters because of sin to come our way.
But... when we blame God for the pains of life, we are essentially saying, as did Adam: “God, you messed up!” Let’s remember this, Church:
God never messes up. And I never have the right to blame God for anything.
The prophet Isaiah spoke to this very process:
Woe to those who quarrel with their Maker, those who are nothing but potsherds among the potsherds on the ground. Does the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you making?’ Does your work say, ‘The potter has no hands’? Woe to the one who says to a father, ‘What have you begotten?’ or to a mother, ‘What have you brought to birth?’ Isaiah 45:9-10
Look what God proclaims through the prophet Isaiah just a few verses before this: I am the Lord, and there is no other; apart from me, there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of its setting people may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord, and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things. Isaiah 45:5-7
Here God is stating that it is by His authority that He allows all things to happen, both prosperity and disaster. So... here is another question revealing the very dilemma we each face as humans and too as believers in an almighty God who wants the very best for us:
How do I wrestle with the delicate issue of understanding life is going to be very, very hard and difficult and often dark and disappointing and even devastating while too trusting that a good and sovereign God has my best interest at heart?
1. Understand the root of all my brokenness, loneliness, sadness, feelings of unfairness, and anxiety is sin.
We have to remember that God never created the human body to live in a sinful world. Instead, each of us is created to live in perfect unity with God in a perfect world. But all of this changed when man sinned.
Genesis 3:17-19
From that moment forward, a process has been set into motion that affects every single one of us. And now... hurt and heartache will always be a part of humanity.
2. Acknowledge the ripple effect of my sin.
I love hearing stories of acts of kindness that people do that then help others. That happens all of the time hear at DF because of your generosity and commitment to reaching this community. The Dollars for Donelson ministry has helped so very many people – we’ve given people gas for their car, and we helped feed the School for the Blind for their prom the last two years. We’ve provided new landscaping at Hickman Elementary. We have helped people pay their utilities, fly to other states for health care, and on and on and on!
Because of the generosity of this church, we know that a ripple effect continues in the lives of others who, while down and almost out, have been offered a helping hand and are then able to move forward in life. Unfortunately, the opposite ripple effect is also true as it relates to sin:
My sins affect your life. Your sins affect my life.
We understand this reality every time we hear of a mass shooting. We realize this every time we send our brave young men and women off to war. We remember this every time we think of Hitler’s horrific reign and the impact his decisions had upon Jews, Christians, and the entire world. We understand the effects of sin when we recall the events of Pearl Harbor, 911, the Boston bombings, and so very many more tragic and dark and deadly events of our world since Creation.
Because of sin, there is a ripple effect of devastation that impacts us all.
Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned. Romans 5:12
Sin has terrible, terrible consequences. Therefore, this leads us each to this:
3. Consider my relationship with God.
As I sat and thought about this very reality this week, that my sins produce a ripple effect in the lives of others, I came under tremendous conviction.
The Holy Spirit reminded me personally this week, and I too want to remind you of this brutal reality of Scripture so clearly calling us all out about our personal sins:
But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the Lord; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out. Numbers 32:23
Find /Hebrew/ masa = to reveal; to be caught; to spread
Scripture is telling us that our sins will eventually be revealed for others to see, we will get caught, and then, tragically, the fallout will be an end result that “spreads” to others! I don’t know about you, but this has truly been super convicting for me this week!
I think of Amy and the girls and our ministry team and each of you and the responsibility I have to live obediently as God desires I do so that the ripple effect in my life is one of love and holiness rather than sin and destruction that spreads into the lives of those whom I love.
So, this step is such an important one as we each ask: Where am I with God?
The key to trusting God’s sovereignty when the world falls in around me is so very important in shaping my response to life’s difficulties and dark days!
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23
David, the writer of this Psalm, recognizes the importance of allowing God to search his heart, and then he goes on to write:
See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:24
What an exercise of importance for us all!
4. Realize no pain is for no reason.
Remember the man Job in the OT? He, in just a few moments one day, loses just about everything - - his kids, his livestock, one of his homes, his employees, and much of his wealth. And to make matters worse, he then has a wife who says to him: Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die! Job 2:9
Now, on a completely different side note... this verse reminds me of just how important it is that when those closest to us are dealing with a tremendous challenge, one of the worst things we can do is offer fuel to the fire. This is the last thing Job needed - for his wife to incite the pain rather than help subside it.
As spouses and parents and children and friends, we each play such an important role when those whom we love are going through a time of tremendous challenge. Let’s remember:
My actions and words can either offer peace or pain when a loved one is hurting. Often what I do or say next impacts how a loved one responds to the hurt.
Obviously, Job’s wife did not offer the hope and calm, and peace that Job so desperately needed at the moment.
And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
You see... If I truly believe all things work for the good of those who love God, then I must, too, believe that even in the midst of a great tragedy, God is working behind the scenes to bring Him glory and bring me good.
Here is a great take-home for every one of us this morning - - let’s learn from what Job’s wife did:
The next time someone close to me is the recipient of the ripple effect of sin, rather than offering more pain to an already overwhelmingly painful situation, instead offer the peace that comes from the Word of God.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. Proverbs 18:10
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
Let’s just read scripture! And, as we do, I think we are better able to...
5. Say, no matter how difficult, in all circumstances, “Thank you, God.”
This one is really, really hard... isn’t it?! I mean... how do I even begin to say, “Thank you, God,” when I really want to say, “Why me, God?”
How do I even begin to say, “Thank you, God,” when I hear the news, “It’s cancer,” or my spouse says, “I don’t love you anymore,” or the doctors' relay, “My child will not live?”
In my second year at Donelson First, we walked through a study entitled: Thankful. At the core of this study, was this very important passage reminding us of what our approach in life, to all of life’s circumstances, must be:
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
I may not be here yet. But this is where God wants me to arrive.
I spoke with a dear friend of mine this week who was recently in a terrible car wreck. She will be okay, but she has a long road to recovery and is presently in tremendous pain. She said...“I will be honest in saying that I have had a really hard time trying not to blame God. (I understand.)”
She then said, “But I do trust God has a story in all of this that will do something great for me or someone else.”
Maybe you are thinking, “Jeffrey, seriously... my situation is not one that motivates me to want to say, ‘Thank you, God.’”
Though I may not be able to offer you complete solace at this moment, I want to offer this reminder to you today:
Bitterness directed at God will always hinder my ability to hear God.
I, too, want to say that I am confident that your ability to move past anger, hurt, or bitterness directed at God is found in your realization of the importance for you to answer this final question we will tackle today:
Is God fair?
Absolutely not! God is not a fair God.
I can say my perspective on this question is this: If God were a fair God, I would not be standing here this morning.
If God were a fair God... I would not be living in the greatest country on the planet.
If God were a fair God... I would not have the world’s most incredible wife and two of the most amazing kids, a great lunch awaiting me at Cinco, two mostly awesome dogs, and the privilege of being a pastor at one of Nashville’s greatest churches of impact, and instead...
If God were a fair God... I would not be breathing, I would not have been given a second, third, and fourth, and endless chance when I have sinned. Instead, I would already be dead in this life, forever alive in the next life, and eternally separated from God and tormented forever away from God in hell!
If God were fair, then I would get exactly what I deserve... death!
God is not a fair God. And I am so glad He is not!
Listen... I get it... I have questioned God on many things in my life! I’ve had 12 surgeries over the course of my life on a variety of issues. I have stupid, insane allergies (that I did not know I had, by the way, until I moved to Music City). I have chronic pain I’ve dealt with since a terrible fall I had stepping off of a Hilton Hotel shuttle in St. Louis, MO, 13 years ago. Like many of you, I have terrible arthritis in both of my hands. My hair has decided to leave me!
I, too, have questions as to why I have prayed and prayed and prayed for healing and for relief from pain to very specific areas of my life. And I have not yet received healing or relief.
God allows pain in my life. Pain and suffering and disappointment and loss are a part of living in a fallen world. But none of life’s struggles is the result of a cruel and mean God.
God is not a cruel God.
He may allow pain.
This does not mean He caused the pain, nor that He desires of me to be in pain.
But God does allow pain because God always has a plan in the midst of my pain.
God never allows pain that is not accompanied by purpose for those who love Him.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4
God is not a fair God. God is a good God. God is a just God. God is a holy God. God is a loyal God. God is a forgiving God.
Oh, I pray that we come to such a place, even in the middle of tremendous pain and sorrow and sadness and questioning and loss, to be able to say as did the Psalmist:
My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child, I am content. Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore. Psalm 131
Pray asking: Am I bitter? Am I angry? Am I bitter or angry at God?
If so, pray now to let go and let God do what only He can do... provide peace and joy, and hope even in the midst of tremendous hurt.
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Jeffrey Dean Smith is a husband, father to Bailey & Brynnan, author, and the Senior Pastor at Donelson First in Nashville, TN. If you are in Music City, meet Jeffrey and enjoy iced tea on the front lawn each Sunday at 10:30a.